|image by Jamiesrabbits|
I'm writing this at 1:30 AM. Remember that series I was going to do, about getting more sleep in 2013? I'm not exactly a good role model right now.
Our kids have been sick for a week. Even kids of real food families get sick. As much as we try to fight it by taking our cod liver oil and drinking our smoothies, we get sick. Sometimes, it's nasty. I haven't had a good night of sleep for about nine days.
This week, life has been a constant stream of immediate physical needs. Wake up, try to nurse the baby. Baby won't nurse because she too stuffy, so try the bottle. If that doesn't work, try the eye dropper. Caedmon, time to use the potty! Man I'm hungry. Scarf down some cottage cheese over the sink. Better start some laundry. Toddler peed on the floor. Does he have any more clean clothes? Must be in the laundry basket. Man I'm hungry. Baby needs a diaper. Maybe she'll nurse now? Oh no she's coughing. Take her into the bathroom, turn the shower on hot and breathe in the steam. Now she's tired, I guess I'll just put her down for her nap? Man I'm hungry. Go downstairs, finally get some real breakfast for myself and Caedmon. He doesn't want eggs, he wants peanut butter toast made into sandwiches. How about an egg first? He coughs so hard it makes him gag and throw up. New bib. New shirt. New pants. Do you want some honey lemon tea for your cough? My eggs are cold now. I would like to get dressed at some point. Shoot my clothes are in the room where Esther is trying to fall asleep. Shower? I'll wait until Steven gets home. Can I eat breakfast and pump milk at the same time?
I'm trying to remember that someday these kids will not be so reliant on me for their every waking need. Someday we'll play board games together, and go for walks in the woods together, and maybe they will even help around the house. (You know, in a way that's actually...helpful.) Someday my husband will not come home from a long day of class and work and meetings only to spend the evening doing homework. Someday we might all sit down to dinner together for more than 8.5 minutes.
But for now, it's just one thing at a time. Sometimes the baby has to cry while I help her brother with something. Sometimes Caedmon clings at my leg saying "I need you mommy!" while I try to make dinner.
And sometimes, lately, both of them need my attention, and I'm trying to finish writing a blog post. Which brings me to my next point:
I'm taking a Lenten Break from blogging.
As much as I want this blog to grow and bless and reach more people, teaching them how to cook and eat real food in a friendly, judgement-free environment, I need a break.
I want to be more present to my children. I want my husband and I to spend our time together together, and never hiding behind our laptop screens. I want to seek the Lord in prayer. I want the scriptures to come alive to me again.
So you won't see much of me for the next 40 days. I'll still be writing for Modern Alternative Kitchen and Modern Alternative Mama. And I might even work on my ebook, or design my new website, or write a few blog posts. But I won't publish them until after Easter. I won't be ruled by this blog. I will only work on it when both kids are sleeping, so they never have to compete with a computer for my attention.
Lord, bring my life back into balance. Grant me sleep. Bring peace into my days. Help me to spend this Lenten season seeking you, only to realize that you've been seeking me all along.
I pray the same for you, dear readers. This Lent, may your life swing into balance. May you let go of anything that is hindering you. May you journey to the cross and fall on your face before him. May you seek the Lord, and be found in him.
"I sought the Lord, and afterward I knew, he moved my soul to seek him, seeking me; It was not I, who found O Saviour true; no I was found of Thee."
How are you celebrating lent this year?